Recently, Dating Diva blogged about how her keys had become symbolic of her emotional baggage. She needed to shed some of it to move on with her life.
It got me to thinking.
I don’t have so many keys really, but my purse is another story. I asked my friends on Facebook for their input about the strangest things they’ve ever found in their purses. I was amazed at the responses. People have found:
- needle nosed pliers
- corkscrew
- eight track tape
- pampers (I’m assuming fresh)
- stun gun
- large spider in a jar
- clean socks
- razor
- cat food
- “part” of a condom (I don’t even want to know)
- Tabasco
- hard boiled, dyed Easter egg
- chocolate Santa Claus (holiday theme, but not from the same person)
- handcuffs (I didn’t ask, but she might want to meet up the man with the dungeon)
- kiwi (that was mine)
I think we hold onto these things because we are afraid to throw them away. We might need them someday. We’re reluctant to get rid of them on the off chance that they might be the one thing that will come in handy. You never know when someone is going to have an eight track tape player, but when they do, you’ll be ready.
We do the same thing with our dating profile parameters. We are afraid to ask for what we really want because we might eliminate the one person we think is out there for us and send them galloping off on their cyber white horse. But really, it’s empowering to be picky.
You want someone who hasn’t been married? Got it. Someone with a college degree? Done. Someone who reads comic books, plays putt putt, and listens to Norah Jones? He’s out there. He’s not on my list, but he might be perfect for you.
I’ve said it before, but it’s a lot like searching for a job. When you start looking for a job, you don’t begin by looking at every listing for which you might have the minimum qualifications. Instead, you start by looking at the ones that pay the best, suit your qualifications and work experience, have the best free coffee, etc. If you are an accountant, you don’t start by looking at the ads for all night clerks at 7/11.
When I started Internet dating, I should have been very specific in choosing exactly what I liked and wanted and needed from a date.
Unfortunately, instead of going with the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and then if I didn’t find anyone, lowering the bar, I cast a wide net desperately to see what I could find. This wasn’t how I hunted for jobs, but in the beginning it was how I hunted for online dates.
I was afraid to get rid of the stuff in my purse; to eliminate people. I might need them someday. That guy with the three felony convictions might not be so bad, right, and who was I to judge?
The truth is, though, you won’t ever need that Tabasco OR those socks that are in your purse. And you definitely won’t need the kiwi (which turned into a disgusting lump of brown mush that I stuck my hand into one day during class). Throw them out.
Then we might be able to find the one we really deserve.
copyright © 2009 Tiia Jones
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