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MILF Part II

So as you might recall in Part I of the Saga of The Lawyer and the MILF, I was dating Richard. Richard is an attorney I met online who had a prenuptial agreement with his first wife that specified he could leave her if she gained more than ten pounds. Plus, he disagreed with my parenting techniques and had trust issues.

Then I slept with my next-door neighbor, Graydon, who was twenty-two to my thirty-five years. I know, I know. While not doing much for increasing Richard’s potential feelings of confidence in the relationship, it did a great deal to increase my own feelings of self-worth.

My best friend, who is also a lawyer, was surprisingly glad to hear about my new Cougar Mom status. But then, Arianna has never been much of one to let pesky ethics get in the way of what she wants.

Lawgirl03: I can’t believe you! I’m so proud of you!

Tchr8888: UR proud of me for having sex with some guy I barely know and for CHEATING on my bf??!?

Lawgirl03: Oh yea! For once, you’re taking control of the situation.

Tchr8888: No taking control would have been just saying that I didn’t want to see him anymore.

Lawgirl03: Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.

Tchr8888: How do I tell Richard?

Lawgirl03: Just be honest.

Tchr8888: That hasn’t worked so well this far.

Lawgirl03: Well try it, you might like it. Are you going to see cutie pie again?

Tchr8888: IDK—he is SOOO hottt and SOOO young. Do you know he’s closer to my students’ ages than mine?

Lawgirl03: LMFAO—he just wants a MILF!

Unfortunately, old habits die hard. I kept trying to find the courage to tell Richard about Graydon. It seemed like there was always something in the way. There was something he needed to tell me or we had someplace we needed to be and I put off the conversation. I really hate confrontation.

As it turned out, I was spared having to tell Richard myself since he discovered an email to Graydon on my AOL account (which he was apparently reading—doesn’t anyone respect my privacy? **insert false sense of indignity here**).

Subj: Integrity
Date: May 14, 2004

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I have been lied to enough. I hope you and G have a good fling together. Lying to me is definitely not a good idea. I hope that someday you figure out what integrity means. Right now, I don’t think you have a clue. You will have a very lonely life without it. The only kinds of people that you will ever attract for any long term will be other people without it and those who continue to tell you how to live your life.

I am someone that doesn’t trust easy. It takes a long time for me to trust someone. Without that trust, I am captive to my fear and anxiety. You hurt me.

Richard

I made a vow to work on my integrity AND to be more assertive. In the meantime, privately glad I didn't have to worry about that last seven pounds I needed to lose, I crawled into bed with my daughter to watch "Gilmore Girls.” **Insert undeserved tears of self-pity and bags of Doritos here**

The Lawyer and the MILF

PROFILE   RJD80 “Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” Friedrich Nietzsche Active within 1 week 42-year-old-man Albuquerque, NM  United States Seeking women 30-45 Within 50 miles of Albuquerque, NM, United States Relationships: Divorced Have Kids: Yes and sometimes they live at home Want Kids: No but it’s OK if my partner has kids Ethnicity: No answer Body type: About average  Height: 5’10” Hair Color: Dark brown  Eye Color: Brown Smoke: No way Drink: Moderately Education Level:  PhD/Post doctoral My Job: Legal Interests: Music/videos, fine dining, reading, travel (US and foreign), performing arts, museums, cultural events, music & concerts, home repairs

I was fat. No doubt about it. I’d gained fifteen pounds during the nine month relationship with Richard. Most people eat when they are stressed out, but I do the opposite. When I am happy and things are good, I like to have a good meal. Or two. Being in a relationship apparently agreed with me—but not with my wardrobe.

Richard had told me in the beginning of our relationship that his marital prenup consisted, in part, of a clause that said that if his wife gained more than ten pounds from the marriage weight, he had the right to divorce her. I knew my weight gain was a big deal and yet I couldn’t seem to find the gumption to do anything productive about it.

I finally started running again when I saw a picture of myself that I didn’t even recognize. It didn’t help that I had to buy pants with elastic waistbands and drawstrings.

Richard encouraged me with the running. I knew it was important to him that I get (back) in shape. I’m not petite under the best of circumstances, but I figured he had a right for me to look like I did when he first met me.

“You’re starting to slim down,” he said during a trip we took to San Diego.

I stared at him. The words stung because he so rarely doled out praise but was so free with criticism. “Yeah. I’ve been working at it.”

He was also critical of my parenting. He thought that Leah was indulged and spoiled.

One night at my house, Richard and I had planned to watch a movie. I’d put Leah to bed—in her own bed for a change, which I thought was progress. The house had such a strange layout that her bedroom door was up a short flight of stairs from the living room where the television was. Richard asked me to close her bedroom door.

I stared at him. “B . . . but she can’t sleep with the door closed.”

“Tiia,” he began forcefully. “This is a simple problem. You are the mother. You are thirty five years old. She is seven. Take control of the situation. Tell her you are closing the door. That’s it. You let everyone walk all over you and dictate how you live your life—your father, Leah, your friends, everyone. I won’t put up with it. I just won’t.”

I shook my head. I wanted this to work for so many reasons, not the least of which was my current low self-esteem and ongoing lack of confidence as a single parent. “But it’s not a simple problem. Don’t you see? She has abandonment issues. She has seen a therapist for years.”

“No she’s just manipulating you and controlling you. It’s utterly ridiculous.”

After more than 150 dates and almost four years, I was getting weary and discouraged; I knew something didn’t feel right for me, but I was on a relationship path that I didn’t want to or couldn’t leave.

Then in walked Graydon—literally. Leah and I lived in a converted mobile home that butted up against another small house. A young man had recently moved into the house next door, and I had seen him a few times and waved.

He was tall and built like a body builder with bulging muscles that he liked to display by wearing muscle shirts and shorts. One afternoon after dropping Leah off for a sleepover at Jenny’s, there was a knock at the door and there was Graydon.

“You left the trunk of your car open,” he said with a winning smile, “I thought ya might want to know.”

Oh boy, did I. “Thank you. Hey, come in. You’re Graydon, right?” His eyes were a pale blue, and he seriously could not have been more than twenty-five (he was twenty-two as I found out).

“OK just for a minute, but I have a cold so I don’t want to stay long.” His voice sounded gravelly and his eyes were a little bloodshot. Poor baby!

“You poor thing! What are you taking for it?”

He looked despondent. “I don’t have anything. What do you think I should take?”

I suggested a variety of cold remedies, which when I brought them over to him later that evening, included a backrub. He assured me that this was a necessary component of his getting well. I didn’t want to argue with his medical needs.

Backrubs, as we all know, often lead to frontrubs. Graydon was no exception. For being such a young pup, he displayed no lack of sexual experience.

I so would like to say that I thought of Richard as this hot, young stud fulfilled his MILF fantasy. I would even more like to say that I remembered that Richard, like most lawyers, had serious trust issues and had made me promise over and over to be faithful.

The fact is, it made me feel good. For a change, my self-image and even my body image was the one reflected back in Graydon’s eyes and I liked it. He wasn’t what I was looking for in a long-term partner, but Graydon made me realize that the one I had wasn’t what I was looking for either.

***To Be Continued***

Image of Joe Mantegna courtesy of Forensis Channel.forumfree

copyright © 2009  Tiia Jones