love.com

love.com: Online Dating and the Sperm Whale

In honor of the end of the whale migration here in Washington, I thought this story was worthy of re-posting. Plus, I'm getting ready to teach a new school of unsuspecting fish of my own!

 

A recent study conducted by the Marine Mammal Institute at Oregon State University found that sperm whales are much more calculating in their hunting practices of squid than has long been believed.  They apparently hunt those poor little guys in groups of three using pretty sophisticated teams in which they rotate which whale does which job.  One whale does the rounding up of the squid for a while.  One whale does the diving and chasing from above.  One whale comes up underneath and heads off any squid that try to escape.  The unsuspecting squid don’t have a chance.

What does this have to do with internet dating?  Well, in online dating, as in the ocean, it is important to know your enemy’s tactics.  You can respect the handsome devil for his cunning and strategy, but if you don’t understand how he thinks, you’ll get rounded up before you know it. 

Case in point, I met a man named Martin.  That is his real name because he is proud of his cad-like ways (or should I say sperm whale-like ways?).  Martin revealed to me that he has his own list of internet dating rules.  Oddly, some of them are similar to mine, if in mirror image.  Here are his rules:

 

Martin’s Rules for Dating Online and Getting Laid, and Cheaply!

1. The goal is to get laid.  That's it.
2. Always date more than one girl.  Always.
3. No dating on the weekends.
4. No going out to dinner.  Drinks only.
5. No beer.  Hard alcohol for the girl only.  She will get bloated and not feel up to sex.
6. Aim for women that are hot, with low self-esteem.  Go for the 8/2 ratio (8 on the looks scale, 2 on the self-esteem scale).
7. If you don't sense that she's willing to put out on the first date, or if she hasn't put out by the third date, drop her.
8. No dating women that you work with.
9. No dating single moms.
10. No dating women that your friends know.
11. If a girl stops putting out, you stop dating.
12. Never take a woman to where you live, always go to her place.  Always.
13. Never go out with a group of the girls’ friends.  Your job is to nail her, not get to know everyone.
14. Avoid giving the girl any personal details about you.   Lie frequently.
15. Don't answer your phone when she calls unless you want something from her.  You are not her friend.
16. Getting laid is a numbers game.  Don't take rejection personally.

Now while Martin's rules may not fall directly in line with my rules, the fact is that they must work at least some of the time.  He reports that it’s pretty successful.  It doesn’t hurt that he has a handsome, aloof sort of appeal and a killer whale smile.

The point is, as any good military strategist would tell you, it is important to know the tactics of your enemy.  There are people like Martin out there.  Study them.  Understand them.  Know their motives.  Otherwise you might find yourself caught in the belly of a really good-looking whale.

So I am looking for great (or horrible) stories or comments about the “Martins” of the world.  I want your worst internet dating enemy encounter.  It is research.  I know they are out there.  Send me your best story, and the best one wins.

http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/02/oregon_state_researcjer.html

 

copyright © 2009  Tiia Jones

 

Get Your Own House in Order (Guest Post)

Today I’m delighted to be featured as a guest blogger on my friend Tisha Matthew’s site Inspired Moments. She blogs about a number of topics ranging from her work of a life coach, to empowerment, to the law of attraction, to relationships, to developmental disabilities. She’s a fireball of a mom who works hard and found the love of her life after a very rocky start (she blogged about it here).

This blog post traces my path of Internet dating exploration. You might compare it to cave spelunking in one’s soul. Please visit here and give it a read.

Here is a full, (but shortened) link if you like. http://bit.ly/8ZKZQ8

And now, the results of the latest blog survey. The question was, “What is the most annoying first date pet peeve?” Respondents could give two answers.

• 50% said being mean or being rude to others
• 33.3% reported bad table manners

(four-way tie)

• 16.7% said being too pushy sexually
• 16.7% reported talking about self/self-centered conversation
• 16.7 % said talking about exes/ogling other women or men
• 16.7% said weird pet or hobby stories

A new survey started this week, and the topic is: Which is the Best Internet First Date Idea? Please make sure to register your vote.

Image from The Women’s Room Blog http://thewomensroom.typepad.com/the_womens_room/

Kindergarten Musings

Kindergarten. Fingerpainting. Circle time. Teddy bear nametags worn on strings around grubby little necks. Outlines of entire bodies crudely drawn on large sheets of butcher paper. And most of all, mothers staring wistfully through the windows of classrooms all over America with the irrevocable realization that a line has been crossed in their baby’s history.

A greater percentage of hours will now be spent in the care and tutelage of others than in yours from this point forward. Your influence will slowly diminish. Every one of those mothers, without exception, wonders how did this happen? How did that baby I held in my arms and snuggled close get to be this big kid with shiny new sneakers and a pink backpack that looks almost her size?

The beginning of school always makes me wistful. My daughter’s backpack is black now and her sneakers (oh, I’m sorry, her $75 DC’s) are bigger than mine. In five more years she will be finished with school. And then…and then…who knows? She says she’ll stay with me forever, but I suppose that will change.

Just like that big five-year-old kid who waved goodbye and confidently marched in that red school door with nary a backward glance, I imagine she will eventually decide to leave mom behind. That’s as it should be.

My best friend Jenny on that first day of our daughters’ kindergarten so long ago said, “Well you wouldn’t have wanted her to be sad right? Anyway, they were just excited for their first day. Come on, we have to get back to our own monsters.” And she took my arm cheerfully so that we could go back to our respective sixth-grade classrooms.

We had our own kids to teach. We needed to return to the Angelicas, Roberts, Brittanys, Codys, and Ashleys. Our job is to do the very best that we can every day all day long at imparting wisdom and, hopefully, shaping something of who they become. I am always a bit awe-struck that moms entrust us with this, their most precious baby. It’s like getting a rare piece of art on loan from the Louvre. Maybe their parents feel a little bit sad too.

In honor of my teen diva (who has an amazing sense of style and fashion), here is a great website from Seventeen/Cosmogirl where you can dress different celebrities in great fashions. I know I had fun!

Seventeen/Cosmogirl Dress a Celebrity for Back to School

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

Happy Hour Dating Dilemmas: Martini Time

Pour yourself a glass of wine, make a martini, and curl up with a plate of Brie and crackers. It’s time for this week’s Happy Hour Dating Dilemmas. These are real-life situations from Internet daters who have asked for help with their profiles or their online dating situation.

As is always the case, the names and identifying details are changed to protect the innocent and, sometimes, the very very guilty. My lawyers said I should tell you that. Check out other Happy Hour Dating Dilemmas here.

Dear Tiia,

In looking at profile pictures on one of the online dating services, I found a guy who seems wonderful from his writing. His picture seems ok too except for one thing. He only has one picture and it’s very, very blurry. It’s hard to even tell what he looks like honestly. It’s not that I’m that concerned about looks, but I don’t know if I should be worried about this.

Signed,

Glenda the Good Witch

Witchy Woman,

Tiia’s Internet Dating Rule #20 says: “Do not, under any circumstances, date anyone without a picture on their profile. It’s better if they have several and highly recommended that they aren’t grainy as if they are really old. People use old pictures all of the time.”

While this guy at least has a picture, which is good, the fact that it is that fuzzy does not bode well. There are only a few reasons for this and they are below:

1. There is some reason he does not want to use a real, updated picture of himself like he is actually a woman or a quadriplegic (both of which either happened to me or to someone I know).
2. He does not own a digital camera or camera phone because he lives in a trailer home in West Virginia where he is currently running an extension cord from his neighbor’s trailer to provide himself with power. He is corresponding with you from the computers at the public library. His mother and father are first cousins.
3. He is a spy for Turkmenistan (I don’t have anything against the Turkmenistanians, but I think they have a funny country name and you should see their national bird) which prevents him from revealing his true identity. He will kill you immediately after engaging in coitus.
4. Or he may simply be embarrassed of his appearance because he wants to make himself appear younger, better looking, or more masculine than he really is.

In all of these cases, well except for the Turkmenistanian, what I never understand is what they think is going to happen when you meet them. Do they think you are going to be so dazzled by their keen intellect and witty repartee that you would completely overlook the fact that they not only lied about a key part of their profile but also misled you into thinking your were meeting a different person altogether?

I recommend that you steer clear of him. It has nowhere to go that is good. Unless you like West Virginia or Turkmenistan.

Tiia

And on that note, I had to include this little funny from a North Carolina (not a West Virginia, lest you think I only make fun of West Virginians) newspaper for you!

Dear Tiia,

How many dating sites do you recommend that I belong to? There are so many out there, and I just don’t know how to pick which ones are the best. There are sites that match your personality, your religion, your sexual preference—even if you’re a vegetarian! For one thing, doing online dating takes a great deal of time and I’m a single mom. How do I know which ones are the best.

Girl Working in a Guy’s World

Dear Brave New Girl in a Brave New World,

You’re right, it’s crazy out there! I recently saw a site for Cougars and also one specifically for Booty Calls. There is also one aimed at people who want to be celibate (I’m guessing they don’t have a lot of takers but whatever).

Anyhoo…here’s what I think. It used to be that the free ones were pretty sucky. That is no longer the case. However, read the reviews and look at how many subscribers there are before you join any site. As you have noticed, there is a great deal of work involved in joining and maintaining an Internet dating site—at least if you are going to do it effectively. And remember, you need to treat this like it is a job hunt process.

You might want to start with just one, a major one, that matches your social and sexual wants. Each has its own “flavor” so you don’t join Adult Friend Finder if you have conservative relationship values but you don’t join EHarmony if you’re like me and you are a little on the more martini drinking side of things. You do your homework before interviewing with a company for a job, so do a little research at the beginning of this process. It will pay off and save you more time for more red wine.

I also have a couple of resource articles that should help:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2LOOyz/www.myonlinedatingservice.com/

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=20040905&slug=internethorror05

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11699105/

Tiia

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

Wal Mart Quote courtesy of: http://hiphappy.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/rednecks-over/

Single Mom Meets True Love

Today I’d like to welcome a new Mom blogger friend of mine Tisha Matthews. She is a Behavior Management/Life Coach who is an active member with Mom Bloggers Club. One of the things that we found we had in common was that, as single moms, we were both searching for someone and we both found that we had to look for him a little differently than we originally thought.

Maybe we were getting in our own way. Maybe someone else was getting in the way. Maybe our big, fat, ugly self-images were getting in the way. Maybe we needed to educate ourselves about the craziness that is the male species. Maybe our Christmas Barbie collection or weird Rubik's Cube fascination was getting in the way. Here is her story of how she found true love (and I know, I know, I promise to quit being sappy and go back to my normal sarcastic self very soon--cut me some slack ya big whiners!):

 

Yes it can happen to you!

Every little girl’s dream is to marry their true love, which is the strong brave knight or prince that they see in the Disney princess films. And then I woke up in a nightmare with my son’s father. We were the extreme opposites, but not in a good way. I had a kind and gentle heart and he tried to destroy it. Thank God I only dealt with that devil for a year. I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy from that horrid relationship. During my pregnancy he proposed to me. I said no and moved on with my life as a single mom.

That terrible relationship brought my self-esteem to an all time low. My dreams of meeting my soul mate had been crushed, but deep down inside I did not want to accept that. From the moment my son was born amazing women came into my life that had amazing husbands. The brief moment they were in my life they taught me how to love myself again and that it was still possible to meet my soul mate even with my child.

A few years passed, my son is about three years old. My friend had her first child and about a month later one of her guy friends came over to her house with a gift for her baby. She introduced us. That moment I literally fell into my soul mate’s lap. We became very good friends from that day on. Eventually we developed romantic feelings for each other and began dating; a year later we got into a relationship, which was extremely intense, but we ended the relationship the next year.

I truly believed in my heart that he was my soul mate. He not only treated me like a princess, I felt like we belonged together in my soul. The feeling I have for him is a sense of belonging, like we fit perfectly together, I feel safe with him and I can be myself around him without feeling any insecurities. During the time-out separation I felt like my world came to an end. Thank God for my son! He helped me keep my head above water, also I have to thank my best friend for doing the same.

But the trophy goes to my dad. He also believed that he was the love of my life and that he and I were meant to be together. So my dad decided to prepare me just in case he wanted to come back to me. My dad told me all the secrets about men and what women should and should not do to foster successful relationships. Furthermore; I continued my studies on the opposite sex by reading a lot of books and following the gurus of love.

Three years later my guy came back to me. I did not make it easy for him. About two years into our renewed courtship we got back together and our relationship has been wonderful ever since. By the way, my son loved him the first time he met him. I knew this because he did not throw any toys at him like he did with the other guys who tried to date me! Rule of thumb, your kid knows best (not in all cases) but they do. If they like the guy, he is the one for you.

I have perfected the art of single parent dating! And so can you.

I hope you all like my little life story. If you have any questions on how to attract and keep your soul mate you can contact me at [email protected] and/or you can go to my website: http://tishamatthews.vpweb.com/

The 279th Date

Since it is Friday the 13th and since my magical thinking requires that I give the day the superstitious honor it is due, I’ve decided it is time to share some news. My type of superstition means that I believe in these things—or not—if I feel like it or if it happens to benefit me. So I’m not a paraskevidekatriaphobic: a person afflicted with a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th (Urban Legends About.com).

However, I do think the day sometimes brings out the crazies. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say it makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do on other days.

I recently read how my bloggy buddy Swati Bharteey shared the fantastic news of her engagement here. Then, some new developments in my life happened and created a Friday the 13th karmic soup.

Soooo…I want to tell you about the 279th Date.

It goes something like this.

I dated for eight years and learned more about myself then I ever imagined or dreamed was possible. Over that time, I went on many Internet first dates. Some involved men with snakes in their closets or dungeons in their basements. As happens when you date, I fell in love with a few and contemplated spending the rest of my life with them. However, I still was growing and changing.

I bought a house, got a Master’s Degree, PhD, and went on an odyssey that changed my life. My daughter grew into a beautiful young woman, and we became self-sufficient. I realized that I no longer needed a man to make my life complete. We were happy just the way we were.

The end.

Except that wasn’t the end. After that, I didn’t give up dating, but it just wasn’t necessary. Perhaps because of that, two years later I met a wonderful man.

I had the 279th Internet first date.

It was wonderful, and we fell in love.

The end.

But that’s not the end either. It’s still not easy, is it? Blending families and dealing with emotional difficulties of a teenager is not simple. I’ve been single a long time. So has he. Exes are hard. I’m a teacher-turned-writer who shares half my life with the world.

Perhaps more than that, I was a single, solo mother for more years than I’ve been anything else. It is what I know best and I became good at it. I’m also an expert at online dating, and sometimes I wonder where that leads me now that I’m not doing it anymore.

On the other hand, Date Number 279 should give all of you hope because what I’ve been saying actually works. Tenacity and the numbers game works. I know your struggles. I am here for you. As my sister Allyson said, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs, but there is a prince at the end.

My mom told me this story about when she had her baby who died. She had fallen down a flight of stairs shortly before giving birth so the baby was in trouble and died soon after being born. What was possibly the most painful was that, after Brian died before she even woke up from the anesthesia, the hospital personnel immediately transferred her out of the maternity ward. It was as if she was no longer a mother.

My experiences matter and I have so much to offer. I hope you’ll let me stay in the club even though I’ve found my prince. It’s the logical result of dating, at least that’s what they tell me.

Now—my Cute Single and Available (CSA) friend needs a date... Any takers?

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

Back to School the Organized Way

I have a confession. I have been blog-stalking That One Mom for quite a while! I love her work. Her blog (Only Parent Chronicles) features everything from yummy recipes, to important community causes, to her heartfelt struggles about being a young widow raising two children, to (my personal favorite) her future ex-husband feature. It’s never boring on her site!

Today, I am honored to be a guest blogger on her site with my story about Going Back to School the Organized Way which includes tips from my twenty plus years in the trenches as an educator. I hope it helps as parents prepare their little ones for those all-important first days.

Grab a pencil and let ‘er rip.

Thank you That One Mom!

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

How Hard Can It Be?

My former co-teacher and best friend, Jenny, and I have a belief that, whenever someone says, “How hard can it be?” it is invariably much harder than you ever imagined or hoped it would be. Whatever it is, this is always the case.

 

 

Some Common Examples of How Hard Can It Be

• Putting together easy-to-assemble furniture
• Programming your DVR
• Returning a blouse to Target with a receipt
• Finding something that is lost in a contained area
• Getting an email ready to send when you are in a hurry
• Changing batteries in a flashlight
• Locating an article you saw before on the Internet
• Helping your child with algebra homework
• Explaining to the insurance company that these are not your charges
• Checking to see if a flight is on time
• Taking toys out of plastic packaging
• Getting through an automated answering service so you can talk to a real person at a government office
• Getting a baby to sleep

The fact of the matter is, that with my magical thinking, once you have uttered these words the task WILL be harder than you ever dreamed. At least that’s what I think, and because I think it, it’s true. To me.

The same is true about writing your Internet dating profile. It seems like it should be easy, but once you’ve said those fateful words it’s not so simple at all. You find yourself worrying that maybe by being completely “out there” with yourself, you are being vulnerable or that you are eliminating the ONE PERSON you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. And at least, if you are me, it becomes worse than programming your DVR.

I think another reason for the “How Hard” phenomenon when writing my profile is that I wanted to be all things to all people. I worried that if he didn’t like me or I didn’t like him during the correspondence or (God forbid) the date, then that would just be horrible. I put a lot of stress on writing it just right.

How hard can it be?

Luckily, if you follow the guidelines and also the ones on my Facebook Group you can be empowered to get past the anxiety and worry. It may still be hard, but at least you’ll know that it isn’t as big of a deal as you might think and you can keep your sense of humor. Here are some reassurances:

1. There are many people out there looking for YOU. There may not be many single, sane people out there, but that is entirely a different story. Baby steps.

2. It’s only a date. You aren’t obligated to spend the rest of your life with this guy/girl anymore than you have to return to the same supermarket or Jiffy Lube. In and Out in a Jiffy.

3. Unlike the employees who work in Customer Service (see video below), the people on Internet dating sites are there on purpose! They want to want you!

I think I would have gone a little Rambo on these ladies, but how hard can it be to buy some make-up?

4. Most things that result in frustration (after the inevitable “how hard can it be”?) are a result of expectations. You expect the baby to sleep within four hours or the toy to come out of its packaging without causing a trip to the emergency room for stitches (silly you!), and then when your expectations aren’t met, you are disappointed. With profile writing, remember that it’s like cold calling and you’ll have to date a LOT to meet someone you really like. Don’t expect to like the first guy/girl you chat with. Or the fifty-second. Two hundred fifty first dates later, I am still as tenacious as ever.

5. But I’m also very, very good at it. I can construct an online dating profile to elicit the response that I want. Just like with algebra, practice helps. OK, well I still have to Google inequalities, but I’m working on it. Take this, algebra!

(4 * (3/4)x) + (4 * (1/2)) = 4(3/2)

Solution:  x = 4/3

How hard can it be?

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

The Sex Talk

I am a terrible mother. Not for the usual reasons that I think I’m a bad mother, though those are many.

I don’t give my daughter all organic food, and if the truth be told she’s seen the inside of several McDonald’s (*astonished gasps from the audience*). Before she was even close to being old enough to read, she could easily recognize the large billboard logo of the corporate evil that is Wal Mart.

Plus, much to my mother’s dismay—and besides the fact that my mother was neither Catholic nor Jewish, she had a corner on the guilt market—Leah slept in my bed on and off until she was ten-years-old, probably increasing her need for therapy. She doesn’t always go to bed on time. I am constantly worried that I don’t expose her to enough fine art, quality literature, and great culture. Sometimes (wait for it here) we eat in front of the television.

All of those maternal shortcomings, however vast they may be, are not why I’m losing sleep of late. It’s… S E X.

I have read all of the parenting books that tell me I should talk to my child naturally and often about sex. I watch shows that suggest I use popular songs and media topics as a springboard to bring the subject up naturally into conversation.

What ends up happening is something very different. I wish there were scripts to follow for this (like Sex Talk 1, Sex Talk 2, and so on) or maybe a Sex Information Camp I could send her to which would absolve me of the responsibility (I picture it being something like the Cheerleading and Horseback Riding camps I’ve sent her to in the past only they’d learn all they needed to know about smooching and...everything else.

As I often do when faced with a difficult solo parenting problem, I ask myself WWLGD (What Would Lorelai Gilmore Do?). She would probably handle the issue with humor, ease, style, and finesse. However, my efforts have been more like a cross between Lucille Ball and June Cleaver. It makes me uncomfortable, and Leah senses that and feels uncomfortable too. It usually goes something like this:

Me: Hey that song reminds me that girls are not just sex objects, ya know? (trying to sounds hip and cool)

Leah: (horrified) We’re not going to talk about this again, are we?

Me: Well, all the books say we should talk about sex a lot and I want to make sure you don’t have any questions. Do you understand how everything works? (putting my hand on her arm)

Leah: (rolling eyes) Yes, I do. Mom, I get it. I’m a unique and special snowflake. I’ll kick anyone who tries to do something I don’t want, ok?

Me: That’s not all honey. Sex is beautiful when it’s right, but I just want to make sure that if you have any questions you can ask me. I could never ask my mom.

Leah: (double eye roll) Puhlease don’t tell me about the book that Granny bought for you and my aunts again. If I have to hear about the pictures of flowers getting pollinated one more time…and I know that’s not how people do it, ok?

Me: (uncertain) All right, but I love you so much.

Leah: I know mom, now can we go to Hollister?

I’ve asked friends for advice and they’re not much help either. One girlfriend said that she went into her daughter’s room every day and announced, “If you’re going to have sex, use a condom.” Another recommended a book, which I held off on ordering for a long time since I did in fact have bad memories of learning about the “Birds and Bees” from the book my mother gave Mary, Allyson, and me. While very colorful, it wasn’t exactly the most accurate piece of scientific information.

I finally bought the book which is called s.e.x. and it is by Heather Corinna (her website is here), and I have to say that Leah and I are both learning something. I will tell you that Corinna is more progressive than the birds and bees book and maybe more on the liberal end of the spectrum than some people would like. However, for us, I think it’s good. She deals with everything from homosexuality to kissing to sexual abuse to cybersex to friends with benefits. She EVEN has a chapter on Internet dating.

Most importantly, I think Lorelai would approve.

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones

I'm a Bad First Date Sport

You’ve heard me talk before about Bad First Date Ideas and, specifically why one of those was a Wine Fest. However, there have been so many bad first dates involving sports that I thought they deserved their own separate story. It’s especially appropriate for the summer which is where these dates keep occurring.

I am not much good at sports. No, seriously, I suck. I played on a softball league once when I was married and I am virtually certain it is one of the reasons The Ex and I got a divorce (the other teams nicknamed me “The Strike-Out Queen” which, though it wasn’t very athletic, was at least regal). I took tennis in college. My father came to one of my tennis classes, and while I flitted “queenlike” across the court shouting “Love-This!” and “Love-That!” he looked like he was wondering where his money for a private university education was going. The instructor recommended I not take the intermediate class—please.

Don’t even get me started on pool… I like more esoteric athletic events like interpretive dance, aerobics, and cheerleading. But sports with balls are not my thing. **Insert crude, sexual innuendo here.**

However, no matter how many times you tell men this, bless their testosterone-laden hearts, they don’t listen. They tell you they don’t care if you aren’t any good and that it doesn’t matter to them. They lie.

Take batting cages. Raul wanted me to go to the batting cages. The balls are coming at me at about 500 million miles an hour. I am supposed to swing the bat, which seems like an unwise idea to me. He says that the balls are going slow, but they don’t seem slow; they seem fast…and hard. **Don't even get me started.** If I just move out of the way, close my eyes, and wait, surely they will stop coming at me eventually. Except he keeps screaming at me to “swing.” They do stop eventually, but he was frustrated and disbelieving of my lack of athletic ability.

Then there is Putt Putt. Actually, I like miniature golf. I take my daughter, Leah, and my nephews often. The problem is, my idea of Putt Putt and a man’s idea of Putt Putt are not at all the same thing. I think Putt Putt should be FUN. I know, silly me. So Alex took me to play Putt Putt. I should have known better, and in fact I did know better. But I am not the most assertive person—working on it—so there I was.

By definition, Putt Putt is kind of a silly game. Take giant giraffes, little bitty windmills, an ogre with a mouth that opens and closes, life-size mushrooms, and a hole in one resembling a pin the tail on the donkey, and it is not exactly the envy of Tiger Woods (who, incidentally recently presented the "Kevin Awards for Worst Online Dates"). So I have a hard time taking it seriously. I tend to walk around making comments like, “Fore!” and “That was a birdie for sure,” “Hmmm…which club should I use?” “What’s your handicap?” “Play it where it lies,” and “I don’t like the way my ball is lying on this shot—sandtrap.”

Plus, I completely advocate do-overs. Do-overs are important in miniature golf, and maybe in life. I think they should also be allowed in the Olympics but that’s just me. So if the people with whom I am playing deserve another shot, I’ll go ahead and move the ball back for them. Sometimes, I’ll even help them out a little bit and move it closer to the hole. Occasionally, I help out people I don’t even know. 

I’ve found that, while this works out fine with young children, this does not go over well with dates. Men in general seem to WANT to play the game r i g h t. As if playing Putt Putt had a right and a wrong. Alex ended the date by storming off and telling me I was a bad sport. I did finish my game first with a bunch of kids I knew from school. They let me help them out, and we had a grand ole’ time, do-overs and all.

But then, what do I know?  I’m a bad sport.

copyright © 2010  Tiia Jones