Internet Dating Rule: If he doesn’t try to kiss you at all, figure there is no connection on his part.
Dating Profile
TadWil
“Go Forward With Courage. When you are in doubt, be still, and wait.” Ponca Chief
Active within 2 days
38-year-old man
Albuquerque, NM, United States
Seeking women 30-40
Within 30 miles of Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States
Relationships: Divorced
Have Kids: Yes and sometimes they live at home
Want Kids: Someday
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Body type: Athletic & toned
Height: 6’1”
Hair Color: light brown
Eye Color: hazel
Smoke: No way
Drink: Never
My Job: Education/Teacher/Professor
Interests: Hiking, political activism, vegan cooking, camping, mountain expeditions, reading, volunteering, conservationism, animal rescuing, spiritualism, mountain biking
“How was your date Mom?” my daughter Leah asked recently as she sat watching me cook dinner.
I debated. I’m not sure when my child became such an expert on online dating. “It was good I think. We’ll see if he calls. How was school?”
“Good. Kayla and I made a ‘Bad Words Club’ and you can only get in if you say a bad word. Can I lick the spoon?” I stared at her in disbelief.
“A ‘Bad Words Club?’ That doesn’t sound very nice. What word did you say?” I asked. I mentally reviewed all of the curse words I had inadvertently said when stubbing my toe.
“Oh mine wasn’t as bad as Kayla’s,” Leah said in a worldly manner. “I said ‘ain’t’ and she said ‘stupid.’ But other kids said some really bad ones to get in like shit and frick.”
I tried to suppress a smile. “Wow, those are some pretty bad words you thought of. However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage the other kids to say bad words just to be your friends.”
She frowned up at me. “Mom, they don’t have to say them to be our friends, only to get in the club.”
I couldn’t argue with that logic. After dinner, I logged into my email to see if Tad had sent me a message and found one waiting from him. I was anxious to hear since I thought this most recent date had gone well but it’s never a good sign when the guy doesn’t call. Plus, he didn’t try to kiss me so I wasn’t sure what that meant.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: March 17, 2010
Subject: Date
Tiia,
I enjoyed meeting you on Friday. Thanks for making the time for dinner. But I don’t think we’re compatible. I am looking for a girl who is less high maintenance and enjoys the outdoors more than you do. Your perfectly-manicured nails and fake laugh are simply too much for me. I like a girl to be more natural. You wear too much make up and act a bit phony. I wish you the best in your search.
Tad
I read the email to my sister Mary over the phone.
“He’s right. I’m horrible. I’m ugly and fake and the most disgusting girl on this planet. No one would ever want to date me,” I said sobbing with self-pity.
“You are beautiful. He was horrible to write that. Who writes an email like that? Even if you think it, you don’t write it to someone. You just haven’t met the right guy,” she said soothingly. In my family, you stick up for each other even if there’s a good chance a family member axed someone and then ate their brains for breakfast.
“What if I never do?” I asked my sister.
“You will. Besides, you don’t like the outdoors and you do like your nails and makeup to look nice. He just was mean about it. That’s why I think they should submit to a full psychological evaluation on those sites,” Mary said. It’s probably not such a bad idea.
Fuck him. I can join the Bad Word Club now.
copyright © 2009 Tiia Jones
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