I had family visiting last week and we were watching the New Family Feud which reminded me that my sisters and I used to love that show years ago. We would watch it every day and try to figure out the answers; we dreamt of the day that our family would go on the show for “big money.” In reality, it probably would have been an experience more like that of the family’s below:
Name a three letter animal: alligator
Taking ten diverse family members sightseeing for a week inspired my idea for an all-new, New Family Feud show that would be far more challenging than the original. Sort of a cross between Survivor and Family Feud. It would go something like this:
Take ten family members, at least one of whom must be a teenager, and at least two of whom must be over the age of 65, and take them to various sightseeing destinations in a city.
Your budget will be low, and everyone will be concerned about how much money is being spent which makes the stakes of the game higher.
At least one person will have to go to the bathroom at all times.
One person’s plane will be early and two people will miss their connecting flights which will completely ruin the intricate logistical schedule that has been emailed ahead of time, but which no one bothered to read.
No matter what you decide to do, two people will say that, “they don’t care for it.”
At least one person will be hungry at all times. Two family members are vegetarians, one is lactose-intolerant, and one only eats organic.
All members of the family have their own digital cameras and/or cell phone cameras with which they will want to record every memorable event. It will be impossible to get every person looking in the correct direction because there are so many lenses.
When trying to decide what to do next, there will be no consensus due to the varied opinions of the group. Every decision will take a polling of the group, a T-Chart of the pros and cons, and a complex statistical sampling of three guidebooks.
There will be one family member waxing philosophic about politics at inappropriate times…loudly. This adds an element of suspense and possible drama to the game.
The teenager will be texting while walking which may cause potential traffic and/or other accidents. If confronted, she will roll her eyes repeatedly and text how mean u r 2 her bffs.
No less than three comments must be made about embarrassing things each person did in their youth. Bonus points are given for naked stories or stories involving transvestites or midgets.
To keep things fair, the older members of the group can and should form coalitions against the younger members. In this way, they can form a more powerful voting block when confronted with new-fangled technologies such as GPS, Facebook, texting, Twitter, and Foursquare.
Two family members will receive traffic violations during the course of the week because of their haste to perform so well at the game.
Hotel rooms will never have key cards that are activated. The elevators may or may not work and this will create anxiety and plot tension. Hotel management will be less than responsive, and will definitely never have soy milk or whole-wheat bagels.
Lack of sleep from playing the game will make all family members somewhat grumpy which will reduce their overall effectiveness.
At the end of the week, if you all make it through alive and you still like each other, you win a fabulous prize. We did, and the survey says…I love my family!
copyright © 2010 Tiia Jones