So as you might recall in Part I of the Saga of The Lawyer and the MILF, I was dating Richard. Richard is an attorney I met online who had a prenuptial agreement with his first wife that specified he could leave her if she gained more than ten pounds. Plus, he disagreed with my parenting techniques and had trust issues.
Then I slept with my next-door neighbor, Graydon, who was twenty-two to my thirty-five years. I know, I know. While not doing much for increasing Richard’s potential feelings of confidence in the relationship, it did a great deal to increase my own feelings of self-worth.
My best friend, who is also a lawyer, was surprisingly glad to hear about my new Cougar Mom status. But then, Arianna has never been much of one to let pesky ethics get in the way of what she wants.
Lawgirl03: I can’t believe you! I’m so proud of you!
Tchr8888: UR proud of me for having sex with some guy I barely know and for CHEATING on my bf??!?
Lawgirl03: Oh yea! For once, you’re taking control of the situation.
Tchr8888: No taking control would have been just saying that I didn’t want to see him anymore.
Lawgirl03: Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.
Tchr8888: How do I tell Richard?
Lawgirl03: Just be honest.
Tchr8888: That hasn’t worked so well this far.
Lawgirl03: Well try it, you might like it. Are you going to see cutie pie again?
Tchr8888: IDK—he is SOOO hottt and SOOO young. Do you know he’s closer to my students’ ages than mine?
Lawgirl03: LMFAO—he just wants a MILF!
Unfortunately, old habits die hard. I kept trying to find the courage to tell Richard about Graydon. It seemed like there was always something in the way. There was something he needed to tell me or we had someplace we needed to be and I put off the conversation. I really hate confrontation.
As it turned out, I was spared having to tell Richard myself since he discovered an email to Graydon on my AOL account (which he was apparently reading—doesn’t anyone respect my privacy? **insert false sense of indignity here**).
Date: May 14, 2004
I have been lied to enough. I hope you and G have a good fling together. Lying to me is definitely not a good idea. I hope that someday you figure out what integrity means. Right now, I don’t think you have a clue. You will have a very lonely life without it. The only kinds of people that you will ever attract for any long term will be other people without it and those who continue to tell you how to live your life.
I am someone that doesn’t trust easy. It takes a long time for me to trust someone. Without that trust, I am captive to my fear and anxiety. You hurt me.
I made a vow to work on my integrity AND to be more assertive. In the meantime, privately glad I didn't have to worry about that last seven pounds I needed to lose, I crawled into bed with my daughter to watch "Gilmore Girls.” **Insert undeserved tears of self-pity and bags of Doritos here**