My nephew, Ned Jr., does not really get the concept of April Fool’s Day. The entire day, he runs around telling you completely obvious, and true, statements and saying, “Papril Fools!”
“Aunt Tiia, your hair is curly. Papril Fools!”
"Mom, I’m a boy. Papril Fools!”
"We are driving in a car and I have my seatbelt on. Papril Fools!”
"Did you know I like dinosaurs? Papril Fools!”
"Aunt Tiia, it’s Thursday. Papril Fools!” You get the idea.
But, it’s really funny anyway. I mean, compare it to the local radio station that routinely plays tricks on people by calling them from their “health club” to say their weight loss goal of 20 pounds is totally unrealistic because they are a big fattie. Or they called a wife (it was the husband’s idea) to tell her that her husband was caught having sex with a male prostitute in the park. Those pranks don’t make me laugh.
What does this have to do with my internet dating escapades. Well nothing. Except…
Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in an endless April Fool’s Day joke on me. And it is NOT funny. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s hilarious. Truth is stranger, and funnier, than fiction.
Things I Have Really Heard on Internet First Dates:
I am just a little left of Carl Marx.
I used to be a crack addict.
My ex-girlfriend left me because she thought I had a problem with gambling. (This was especially problematic because he was escorting me into a casino where he’d planned our date together.)
Let’s watch “Pee Wee Herman,” (and he happened to have a copy of the movie available for my viewing pleasure).
My favorite all-time band is Wham.
I spent two years in the Texas State Penitentiary.
Do you know where you’re going when you die?
I never date vegetarians….oh you’re not one, are you?
Let’s do some shots.
I have five bunnies.
I have a snake in my closet.
I call my car “the love machine.”
I’m in love with you.
copyright © 2009 Tiia Jones