It has come to my attention that all men have a teacher fantasy. Most of the men I have dated have confessed that the fact that I’m a teacher is a turn-on to them. I don’t know why this is really. Maybe it’s a little like my weird fascination with lawyers or when I was young I used to think I wanted to marry a manager of McDonald’s—but I grew out of that, thank goodness.
At any rate, the hot for teacher thing is strange but pervasive. Van Halen made a killing off the idea. It is possible that, when boys are young and impressionable, that first attractive female who has power over them in the classroom becomes some sort of symbol of female sexuality—even though she has done nothing overtly to invite this sort of attention.
It may be politically incorrect to say this, but early in my Internet dating years I decided to use this power for good not evil. I mean, I’m not blessed with the body of Beyonce so no one’s marrying me for my booty, and I’m not as rich as Paris Hilton so nobody’s going to marry me for that booty either. Furthermore, while I’m intelligent and sometimes witty, there is really nothing that stands out about me in a crowd. I am pretty, in a teacher kind of way.
But…there is that teacher thing. And I’m all about using what you got. Is this sexist or wrong? Maybe, but then the fact that teachers have to deal with fifty-seven emails from the same parent asking why little Johnny’s getting a “C” when her baby has never gotten a “C” is also wrong and we have to do that all the time.
We also have to do things like monitor bathroom breaks, serve breakfast (I went to college all those years to say do you want another biscuit?), and listen to accounts of parents getting arrested, grandmothers taking their teeth out, and students’ gender identity crises. All of which end in, “now go sit down.”
It ain't all crepe paper and scissors. It’s a hard job.
Don’t get me wrong. Next to my daughter and family, I love my job best. Even the worst day teaching is better than my best day doing any other job.
But I’m not above using what I’ve got if it helps me to land that fabulous combination of Vin Diesel, Will Smith, Gerald Butler, and Ronald Reagan, then so be it. I’ll whore myself out make sacrifices if necessary for the cause.
At least I don’t do what this German teacher did—and she didn’t even get fired! I warn you, the linked video is a bit racy. You know those teachers…