It’s time for two Happy Hour Dating Dilemmas. More and more, I am asked questions about Internet dating. In the grocery store, when I’m picking up my dry cleaning, at my aerobics class, by email, on Facebook, Twitter, and even at my daughter’s middle school. I guess once you’ve been on over 250 online first dates, you get to be known as something of an expert.
I am happy to help. For one thing, I don’t think anyone should have to go through what I did. Dating stalkers and lawyers is not a great deal of fun. Secondly, if vicariously we can learn through the mistakes of others who are experts, then isn’t that better? I mean, the self-help book industry is making millions off of it for a reason.
So here are two Happy Hour Dating Dilemmas (they are two-for-ones), and I plan to feature two more every couple of weeks. Of course the names and identifying details are changed to protect the innocent and, sometimes, the very very guilty.
I have been corresponding with a girl from one of the online dating services. We seem to have quite a bit in common, so we set up a time to meet. Then, out of nowhere, in an email she asked me, “Do you think you’ll like me? What happens if you don’t like me? What do you see happening at our first date?” Her picture seems fine (though that’s not the most important thing to me), and she has many good qualities like a sense of humor and intelligence, but this put me off. I’m not sure how to respond. Do you think she’s looking for a one-night stand?
She sounds really insecure more than anything. I doubt that she’s looking for a one-night stand. I DO think that it’s really bad Internet dating etiquette, however, on her part for exactly the reasons you’ve described. It makes her seem desperate which is never attractive and is confusing. You have two choices: try to reassure her and go ahead with the date or back out now and consider this a red flag. I know which one I’d pick. But then, I’ve seen a lot of flags.
I really would like to start online dating. I have been divorced for over three years, and I’m a single mom. I’m attractive and well-educated. But I don’t know how to write the profile and I’m scared of getting rejected. Help!
For one thing, in the US today as many marriages are begun on the Internet as in church (one-fifth). What are you waiting for? What is the worst thing that can happen? You don’t meet someone? Well, you already AREN’T meeting someone! So…duh, this is a no-brainer.
Believe me, there are so many men out there who want to meet you or someone like you. It takes courage and determination, but so does raising kids on your own and you’re doing that. So either watch another episode of “iCarly” and feel sorry for yourself, or start writing that profile.
As for that profile, remember my adage, “Online dating is a lot like a job interview and should be treated as such.” The dating profile is similar to the job application. You want to present yourself in as positive a light as possible without lying. Save the reptile collection and acid reflux for later…much later. You are marketing a product--yourself. In that respect, you are writing advertising copy for a very desirable person so your profile copy should be catchy, funny, intelligent, and warm. Above all, it should NOT have spelling or grammar errors. For more on profile writing check out the relevant article on the Discussion tab of my Facebook Page or email me. Good luck and happy dating!
And now, the results of the latest blog survey. The question was, “As a single parent, how do you approach dating someone with/without children,” and the results surprised me.
- 42.9% don’t screen potential dates based on whether or not they have kids but on other factors
- 28.6% prefer potential mates who have kids but if other factors are great they’d consider dating them
- 28.6% also said that they prefer daters who do not have kids but if other factors are great they’d give it a try
- 28.6% (a three-way tie) said that it really just depends on the individual person.
- 14.3% reported that they only date people who have children.
- 0% said they only date men/women who do not have children
A new survey starts this week, and the topic is: First Date Pet Peeves! Please make sure to register your vote.
copyright © 2010 Tiia Jones
Nurse picture courtesy of gryphonscry.wordpress.com