As you probably know, I have a daughter. She has played a pivotal role in my dating—both in making it happen and in making it NOT happen. She very much wants me to be in a relationship and wants a new Dad, but she rarely likes the men I date.
Many single moms I know report similar problems. They have a hard time dating because of their offspring. I don’t mean the logistical concerns, either (even though those are sometimes great—see an example here). What I mean is the barriers and difficulties the children put up because of their jealousy, insecurity, and feelings of potential abandonment. And, in some cases, they may just know they guy is a dud. So following is Leah’s guest blogger post with her advice on ending a date . . . from the kid’s perspective. FYI: This is in her words, so cut her some slack!
Leah’s Advice for Ending a Date
- Be mean (make sure both your mother and the date know you are NOT happy to be there-say things like, “When are we leaving? I’m tired. I’m bored.” If all else fails, try faking sick.)
- Be obnoxious (throw fits in restaurants and cling on to your mother at every opportunity; get in between the man and your mom)
- Be annoying (try spilling your drink and definitely don’t like the food; you could try using bad table manners like chewing with your mouth open and slurping but I’ve never tried this but here are some ideas; interrupt a lot and pat your mom’s hand; repeating “Mommy, mommy, mommy” is very annoying.)
- The name of the game is “Be the Center of Attention.” Do not let the conversation revolve around anyone else but you. Talk about yourself constantly whether it’s dolls or cheerleading. If they start to talk about something boring (jobs, football, weird hobbies, really anything that isn’t about YOU) jump in.
- It is out of the question for him to touch your mom for any reason. Even if she is choking. He is the enemy and must die.
- Sometimes, the man may really be a sicko, a hobo, or a dork. If you notice that, try telling your mom. She might not listen at first because she’ll think you’re just being selfish. You can point out all of the weird things he does and roll your eyes a lot and try “huffing” your breath out really loudly. One guy showed us a video of his dog playing in the park while we were eating dinner. That was a lot of eye rolling and huffing. If that doesn’t work, do the things above. Sometimes moms are a little slow.
(These next few are for when your mom tries to leave you with a sitter:)
- Cry and scream if they try to leave you at home.
- Once you can use a phone or even better you have your own cell phone, you have much more power. Call your mom a bunch of times. Say, “I just wanted to tell you I love you.” They like that. They already feel guilty for leaving you at home.
- Call to ask questions you already know the answer to like: “When will you be home? How long do I heat up soup in the microwave? Do you like Jon and Kate Plus Eight?”
- The last one is only for when you’re desperate. Call grandma. She will make your mom feel way more guilty than you can.
copyright © 2009 Tiia Jones