Take a chance with a man like me!
Active within 24 hours
Colorado Springs, CO, United States
Seeking women 25-35
Within 15 miles of Colorado Springs, Colorado, United States
He looked a lot like LL Cool J in his profile picture, but I should have been concerned by the fact that all of his pictures had the tell-tale signs of women having been edited out before being posted. Each one had an obviously feminine arm draped over his shoulder or just the sliver of a blonde woman’s face and hair in the corner. I should have been concerned, but I was blinded by the sheer magnetism of his sexuality.
Our first date was to be at a wine tasting. I love wine. I love wine tastings. I love first dates with hot men. What could go wrong?
“Hello beautiful,” said the chocolate hunk of wonderful waiting for me by the entrance to the festival. His physical presence did not disappoint. Since he worked as a policeman I knew he: a. carried a gun and b. wore a uniform. These are both advantages in my dating book.
The Wine Fest was lovely with gorgeous weather. The heat made it deceptively simple to down the little two-ounce samples of judgment clouders that the wine vendors hand out once you have paid the price of admission. They’re small, right? It’s only a teensy taste.
In fact, by the time we were done tasting I didn’t think that I could drive back home. “I’ll take you home,” Henry offered. He had not done as much sampling as I had.
“Yes, I think that would be a good idea,” I said as I stumbled to his car.
He laughed, “Yeah, I don’t think you should be driving anywhere.”
Well suffice it to say, I did not follow the three-date rule that night. I hold the organizers of the wine tasting completely responsible. In fact, I should sue them!
I don’t remember a great deal about the sex. To be really honest, there are many parts of that entire day that I don’t recall either, which is why I have added that to my list of terrible first date ideas.
“Aaaarrgghhh!” I screeched as the morning sun streamed in through my window. I had to suppress another screech when I saw a naked black man lying next to me. How did he get there? Random snatches of the night’s activities were vaguely present in my memory, but they were fogged by a horrible, pounding headache.
Thankfully, he said he had to leave soon since I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to be civil. But we made plans to go out to dinner the following weekend where I assured him I would be more coherent.
“Actually,” he smiled languidly, “you were pretty fun last night.”
I smiled back weakly. It hadn’t been my proudest moment.
Our dinner date was at a rather cheesy chain restaurant, but I figured maybe a police sergeant didn’t have time or opportunity to scope out the most unique hideaways.
“I am so sorry about last weekend,” I said as we hugged hello. I noticed that he didn’t even stand up to greet me. And was it my imagination, or did he look rather less like LL Cool J than I remembered?
“Nah,” he said with a shrug, “don’t worry about it. You were just drunk as a skunk. But you were damn good in bed! Let’s have a toast to that!” He signaled to the waiter to bring him a beer and me a glass of the house wine. (House wine? Do I look like I drink house wine?)
Waiting for our drinks, Henry reached over to caress my breast, and I maneuvered strategically out of the way of his hand. “You fine baby,” he said.
Then, he took out a large bundle of dollar bills secured with a golden money clip that had a large “G” on it with a dollar sign. I was wondering what the “G” stood for and how I had possibly missed all of these clear signals during the first date. “Your honor, she cannot be held responsible. It was temporary dating insanity caused by alcohol obfuscation.” I was interrupted by Henry’s positioning of the menu directly in front of my breasts.
“Order whatever you want baby,” he said as he flashed a lewd smile at me, “I got this.”
“Well I hope so,” I said, “because I don’t.” I figured this date wasn’t going to get any better so I might as well make sure he knew I wasn’t picking up the tab.
copyright © 2009 Tiia Jones